You think Wal-Mart jumps on Christmas early? Let me tell
you, sugar plum, they don’t hold a motorized multi-hued LED candle to Land Line.
The editors and designers start sweating deadlines long
before the temps at Grain Valley fall below 90. Sunset’s still about 8:45 CDT
when “Land Line Now” news anchor Mark Reddig starts testing his permanent
outdoor Christmas light display. And we contributors have to pretend it’s
chestnuts, not hot dogs, roasting on an open fire.
I was still in a T-shirt, shorts and flip-flops when they
reminded me my “cracked carols” column was coming up like January bills.
Writing parodies isn’t easy, or everyone would be Bob
Rivers, a Seattle radio jock who is the fallen angel atop the Christmas song
parody tree.
His classics include “Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire,” “Wreck
the Malls,” and the irresistible “Walking Round in Women’s Underwear.” I am not
worthy.
It’s even harder to write parodies when it’s not the season,
but my friend and ace gearjammer Rufus Sideswipe helped by humming his favorite
Christmas song – “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” – to get me in the right
frame of mind. (That’s a tough tune to write new lyrics to, by the way.)
About half the time, a tune will prompt me to replace a few
words with something trucking related, and that cranks the creative engine.
Other times, I’ll think about something in trucking and hum until a tune sounds
like it will fit.
And it has to fit. Because Senior Editor Jami Jones thinks
tune is something you do to an engine, Associate Editor David Tanner checks the
songs to make sure my lyrics more or less follow the same pattern as the
original. I’m glad he does that, since neither Rufus nor I could carry a tune
in a tanker. But I’ve had to do some deadline rewrites, counting syllables on
my fingers while trying to sing new lyrics.
But these hashed-up hosannas must be popular, since I’m
still invited to do them after six – or is it eight – years? And they kinda
make me miss being closer to the gang in Grain Valley and to the other Land Line stalwarts like Perfessor Paul
Abelson, Suzanne Stempinski and Jeff Barker and his Bionic Burrito. It’d be a
great Christmas if we could all spend it together.
So, here’s hoping you enjoy the latest installment. Maybe
Bobby Boofay will video one of them for YouTube.
My favorite this year is "Your Signature Here."
ReplyDelete"The Little Drummer Boy" came on the radio, and here I was plugging in ... your signature here in place of the "pa rum pum pum pum." My kids thought I had lost it. I explained that, I had not, it was just the "Bill Hudgins Cracked Carols" effect. I'd get over it in a month, or three.
Merry Christmas, Bill. We all love you.
Jami "Tune 'er up" Jones