Friday, December 16, 2011

Now just hold on a minute

If you think the National Traffic Safety Board is going too far in recommending a ban on hand-held phones and texting in all vehicles, you better hope they don’t see research that indicates the, um, hydraulic pressure that builds up after drinking coffee or soda and being in the cab for several hours is as distracting as being drunk or sleep-deprived.

Researchers in Australia – where they know a thing or two about being tipsy – found that when your bladder gets really full, to the point that you worry about every little bump in the road, your concentration and memory just let go.

Sadly, if the feds hear about this, I could see them putting the squeeze on commercial drivers first. Not only are you easy targets, but it'll be payback for those nasty jugs left all over America.

Some whiz-bang engineer will come up with a Bluetooth-enabled remote hydraulic sensor in the seatbelt sync’ed to your dashboard info center.

As the diesel needle drops, the personal pressure needle creeps upward until there’s a warning chime telling you it’s time for a pit stop.

Ignore it too long, and maybe there'll be a fault code for your safety manager to download. How humiliating would it be for all concerned if the next safety meeting included potty training – and you’re on the hot seat.